please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
