Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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