I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
