it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
