i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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