the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
