There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
