I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im six kinds of drunk right now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
