If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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