yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
