i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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