got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
