there was a trapeze. enough said
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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