My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
