Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
