Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
