Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
