I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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