So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
