i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
