Please, let me fuck your mom
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
