Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
