Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
