After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
