First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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