By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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