Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
