you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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