My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
