yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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