i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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