So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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