Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
