if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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