the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We are two peas in an std pod
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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