That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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