You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
