in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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