i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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