nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
