She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
