it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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