i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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