forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drake has all the answers
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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