There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
