Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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