Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
