Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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