I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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