I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
