Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he just fucked me for my cheese.