Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have aggressive nipples.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.