his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.