Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand

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  (408): Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand http://tfl.nu/h440
  Replies (31) Good night (4847) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.

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  (217): Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke. http://tfl.nu/86z1
  Replies (17) Good night (892) Bad night (4403)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.

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  (404): Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/i4q7
  Replies (15) Good night (4467) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.

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  (847): oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame. http://tfl.nu/543s
  Replies (9) Good night (3776) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.

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  (256): My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred. http://tfl.nu/j0t5
  Replies (18) Good night (3948) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.

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  (912): Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here. http://tfl.nu/xdo1
  Replies (9) Good night (2326) Bad night (1016)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.

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  (920): You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day. http://tfl.nu/y8lp
  Replies (10) Good night (2812) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up

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  (410): I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up http://tfl.nu/ucpy
  Replies (7) Good night (2128) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies

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  (902): Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years. (1-902): Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies http://tfl.nu/48gx
  Replies (11) Good night (4211) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras

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  (304): you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras http://tfl.nu/x6pe
  Replies (3) Good night (1866) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?

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  (253): How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head? http://tfl.nu/0ahi
  Replies (6) Good night (792) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator

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  (914): Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator http://tfl.nu/9f4r
  Replies (2) Good night (807) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.

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  (510): She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again. http://tfl.nu/2r7a
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.

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  (352): Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life. http://tfl.nu/37e0
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE

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  (831): Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE http://tfl.nu/2zmk
  Replies (3) Good night (396) Bad night (609)

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