fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
