The maid of honor just puked.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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