Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
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These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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