in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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