I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
this hospital has no fireball
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
