We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
