Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
