So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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