Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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