You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Mom said you looked used
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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