The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My life is pants optional.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
