I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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