break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
