I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
