im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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