He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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