I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize