I need help removing her.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
