Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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