I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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