Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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