all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she told me i tasted like america
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
