I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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