I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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