My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
